Blindsided
by Samantha Frencken
Summary: Effy has hoped that Freddie would come back, sooner or later. But someone rings the doorbell of the Stonem's place with some not comforting news.


_Bike down, down to the downtown_

_Down to the lockdown; boards, nails, lie around_

It was starting to rain, for the first time in weeks. The soft raindrops wouldn't make a sound while hitting the windows of the bedroom. The gray heavy clouds were weeping gradually, the raindrops coming bigger at every second. Effy had never liked rainy days, but the city under the coming rain was as silent as her soul. She was sitting on the edge of her bed, hugging her legs and biting her knee. She didn't moved an inch, the entire day and she had no plans on moving from there. Disturbing her silent waiting, the doorbell ringed. Someone was at the door, and it wasn't her mother. Wrapping herself on the dirty, stinking sheet upon the bed, she made her way downstairs, lingering the most she could at every step down, wondering who would that be, not really wanting to know. She saw Pandora with her pinky cheeks, shouting random things about Thomas. She saw Naomi, coming to pay a simpathetic visit to her, eventually talking about Emily. It could have been Tony, back to Bristol, despite the fact they haven't talked in weeks. Her wrist twisted the key and she opened the door. It wasn't Anthea, Pandora, Naomi, Tony or whoever had crossed her mind during her journey to the door. She couldn't be more surprised with who was standing at her doorsteps.

_It was Cook_. It was Cook covered in blood. It was Cook, covered in blood, shaking and crying. She felt an electric discharge on her body. Then, something inside of her pulled her down, down into darkness, down into sleep. She wanted to go down, but something held her still. Maybe the salt on his tears, running down his cheeks, falling like the pouring rain. The need of saying something filled her, but she didn't have a word to say.

— Can I come in? — He asked, staring at her with his little, glossy eyes.

She moved away and he walked in. They exchanged a single look and she knew. His eyes, deep as black holes, sucked the last exquisite drop of hope that remained on her heart, leaving it light and empty. He noticied the shaking on her hands, that held that piece of tissue around her body.

— Tell me he is not dead — Effy whispered

Cook didn't say.

— Tell me, Cook — She said again, this time louder, desperation filling her voice — Tell me you found him. Tell me he is fine

— Effy… — He sighed, taking a deep breath — I wish it was me

The ground started dancing under her feet, giving the sensation of being on a boat. Her head was spinning and she felt sick. A scream started crawling up on her throat. She couldn't hold it.

_I crouch like a crow_

_Contrasting the snow_

_For the agony, I'd rather know..._

Cook entered the shower. The dry blood started letting go of his skin as the hot watter runned down his body. The warm, suffocating air hugged him, comforting, giving him the condolences for his dearest friend's death. That unique moment of peace made him think of what happened, for the very first time. He was mixed in feelings of rage and sadness. He was lonely, cold on the inside. And for the first time, a simple, elegant fact hit him like a train - Freddie was dead. He wasn't breathing, nor his heart beating. He imagined Freddie's skin, so cold. Colder than his soul. He realized that never again he would see Freddie around the corner on his skate, ready to smoke a joint. It would never be Cook, Freddie and JJ again. No one would get pissed at him for doing something truly stupid — because, no one ever cared about him like Freddie did. And then, all rage and sadness turned into a pain he had to bear with, just like when he was a kid, with grazed knees, who wouldn't cry, for being such a proud little fuck.

After almost an hour under the shower, he left. He wore some of the clothes Tony didn't take to college. When he left the bathroom, he found Effy asleep on the floor, still wrapped on the sheet. Suddenly, she wasn't the girl who ripped his heart out of his chest, nor the junkie who ran out of town with him. She wasn't that wild bird who scared a cage. She was simply Effy, hurt and weak. Leaning down, he held her on his arms and carried her to the bed, lying by her side, watching her sleep, like he never did before. Fascinating was the only word that Cook could find to describe Effy at that very moment. He ran his fingertips on her face, admiring her single beauty.

— I am awake, Cook — she said, her eyes still shut

— You know I will always love you, don't you? — those words flew so naturally that he almost regreted saying them

— I do — she opened her feline eyes — I will always love you too

Effy hugged him, sobbing again. He felt a lump on his throat and failed to hold his tears to himself. They spent on each other's arms for more time than they had ever been. But they weren't lovers anymore. They were only Cook and Effy, crying, missing, grieving. Life never played easy on them, but life had never played so hard before. After spending several minutes contemplating the silence betwen them, she asked him. She had no tears in the eyes, but something dead deep inside those magnificent blue eyes.

— What happened to him?

Cook sit and told her everything.

_'Cause blinded, I was blindsided_

_Peek in, into the peer in_  
><em> I'm not really like this, I'm probably plightless<em>

_I cup the window_  
><em> I'm crippled and slow<em>  
><em> For the agony, I'd rather know<em>  
><em> 'Cause blinded, I am blindsided<em>

_(...)  
><em>

_Taught line, down to the shoreline_  
><em> The end of a blood line, the moon is a cold light<em>

_There's a pull to the flow_  
><em> My feet melt the snow<em>  
><em> For the irony, I'd rather know<em>  
><em> 'Cause blinded, I was blindsided<em>

* * *

><p><em>na: _for several years, I've been writing little things like this one. But I never published, because I am lazy and scared. So, this is my very first fiction piece to be published. I am not fully satisfied with the result, I think I could have rewriten some parts. If you are a writter, you know how important a review is, so, please, tell me what you thought about the story and about the what could have ever happened after Freddie died.

_n/b: _this is a one-shot songfic. The song name's Blindsided, by Bon Iver. It's one of the most amazing bands I discovered in 2011, you guys should listen to it.


End file.
